Tale of A Girl, A Pizza, & Some Weirdos in Spandex
by Silver Sunshine
Summary: Pretty much a spoof of the X-Men with little plot in which I shamelessly humiliate each and every member of the team. ... : - )
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I have to do this right? OK then...uh...this is my story...uh...the X-Men don't belong to me...uh...please don't sue me! Thank you :)  
Ah yes, and reviews would be much appreciated! Hooray! Oh yeah, and if anyone for any odd reason wants to use this story for something, please ask permission first from me. Thanks :)  
  
  
In the war room of the X-Mansion in New York...  
  
"OK, everyone. Daily meeting. Any new orders of business?" Professor Charles Xavier asked.  
  
Beast stood up. "Well, I think it's about time we changed costumes. I mean, there's something odd about a group of grown men and women running around some secluded mansion in spandex."  
  
"We haven't changed our costumes in over 30 years, Beast. I'm not about to start now. Anything else?" the Professor asked.  
  
The doorbell rang. "That's my pizza!" said Wolverine, jumping up.  
  
The professor sighed. "Meeting's over. Everyone go away."  
  
  
Meanwhile, on the front porch of the X-Mansion, a 15-year-old girl waited at the door. It suddenly flung open. A very hairy man in yellow spandex grabbed the pizza and ran away. Another man in a hovering wheelchair sped to the door.  
  
"Uh...he's gonna have to pay for that..." the girl said, pointing at Wolverine running away.  
  
"Please, come in," Professor X said, smiling.  
  
"Sorry, I just deliver pizzas..." the girl began, but she was yanked through the door.  
  
She walked beside the man in the wheelchair. "This is my school for the gifted," he explained. "My name is Professor Charles Xavier."  
  
"It doesn't look like a school," the girl pointed out.  
  
"That's OK, they made up for that in the movie," the Professor answered.  
  
The girl looked over to see the Professor walking beside her. "Hey! I thought you were in a wheelchair?"  
  
"Oh, don't mind it. Sometimes the cartoonists forget that I can't walk and draw me walking anyway. It's usually corrected by the next scene."  
  
"Ahhh," the girl replied knowingly.  
  
They approached a door and the Professor motioned for her to enter. The girl stepped inside what seemed to be a kitchen, filled with the oddest looking group of people she had ever seen. There was the hairy guy, gobbling down the pizza, and a group of other people wearing colorful uniforms.  
  
"These are my X-Men...Beast, Rogue, Jean, Cyclops, Jubilee, Wolverine, and Storm," the Professor said warmly.  
  
"You're all aware that you're wearing your underwear on the wrong side of your suits, right?" the girl said, gesturing to Cyclops.  
  
"Uh huh," he replied calmly.  
  
"Everyone, this is..." the Professor put his fingers on his temples and concentrated. "Lily Jordan."  
  
"That's not my name," the girl said.  
  
"It is now. Everyone say hi to Lily."  
  
"Hi Lily," the X-Men echoed.  
  
"That's not my name!" she protested.  
  
"Hey, where's Gambit?" Jubilee said. Gambit suddenly waltzed into the room, a blonde woman on his arm. "Everyone, dis be Candy. Say hi to Candy," Gambit drawled.  
  
"Hi Candy," the X-Men echoed.  
  
Rogue was furious. "Gambit, just 'cause ah can't touch ya doesn't mean we're not in a relationship!"  
  
"Yeah right, chere!" Gambit said, laughing. Rogue punched him in the stomach. He stopped laughing. Candy looked disgusted and left.  
  
"Lily has the power to shoot atomic energy out of her hands," the Professor informed everyone.  
  
"No I don't! I'm not even a mutant!" 'Lily' protested.  
  
"You are now. Jean, show Lily to her room."  
  
Jean jumped out of her seat and lead Lily down a series of corridors.  
  
"You people are strange. I just came to deliver pizza...I gotta get a better route," 'Lily' said as they walked.  
  
Jean shrugged.  
  
"So what do you do? And why don't you have a nickname?" Lily asked.  
  
"What, me? Well I'm supposed to be a psychic, but I really can't do anything without falling into a dead faint. I'm basically here just to be a love interest for Cyclops and to cause Wolverine pain. He's in love with me but can't have me 'cause I'm married to Scott," Jean replied.  
  
They stopped at an empty room. Lily stared at Jean. "Has you ever thought about how shallow and meaningless your character is?" she asked. "No offence," she added.  
  
"Nope. Thinking causes wrinkles."  
  
"Riiiiiiiiight..." Lily replied. She walked into her room and closed the door.  
  
  
Meanwhile, in an "abandoned" warehouse...  
  
"Mwahahahahaha! The X-Men can't stop me now!" a voice thundered.  



	2. Chapter 2

In the middle of the night, Lily awoke to hear a loud scream. She ran downstairs to see what was wrong.  
The Professor was sitting in the rec room with his hands to his head, screaming.  
  
"You scream like a girl," Lily pointed out.  
  
"Must...talk...slowly...it...conserves...energy..."  
  
"What's the problem?"  
  
"Please...Lily..."  
  
"That's not my name!"  
  
"Please...get...the...X...Men..."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Please...Lily..."  
  
"That is not my name!!!"  
  
"Please..."  
  
Lily threw her hands up into the air. "Oh well, I wouldn't give my real name to you people anyways, you're all crazy!"  
  
Cyclops came bounding into the room, screaming, "JEAAAAANNNNNNNN!"  
  
He stopped dead in front of the Professor. "Oh, Professor, it's you. I thought you were Jean. You scream like a girl."  
  
"I...know..." the Professor whispered. Then he went into a dead faint.  
  
The rest of the X-Men filed into the room.  
  
"Did he faint again? Honest ta God, he's such a wuss, " Rogue remarked.  
  
A monkey darted into the room, climbed atop the Professor, and took his pulse.  
  
"Monkey!" screamed Lily.  
  
"Oh, that's Eugene. He's the medical expert here," Jubilee explained.  
  
Eugene the monkey waved.  
  
Beast looked at the Professor for a long time. Finally, he said slowly, "He obviously felt some sort of psychic disturbance..."  
  
"Oh shut up Beast, everyone's figured that out by now!" Storm snapped.  
  
"Well what do we do? You're the leader!" Wolverine shouted at Cyclops.  
  
"We...we...go to the war room and figure it out from there!" Cyclops announced triumphantly.  
  
"Oh, you're so smart honey!" Jean gushed.  
  
They all marched to the war room and sat down. "Well? Now what?" Lily asked.  
  
Eugene the monkey suddenly ran into the room, jumped onto Cyclops' shoulder, and whispered something in his ear. "We hack into the Professor's e-mail!" Cyclops declared, after listening to Eugene for a moment.  
  
"What good will that do?" Lily asked.  
  
"Silence!" Cyclops thundered. He turned to Eugene. "Good job, Eugene."  
  
Eugene the monkey gave Cyclops a thumbs-up sign and scampered off.  
  
"Hey, where's Gambit?" asked Jubilee.  
  
Gambit strolled in with a redhead on his arm. "Everyone, dis be Kelly. Say hi to Kelly."  
  
"Hi Kelly," the X-Men echoed.  
  
"Gambit!" yelled Rogue in frustration. She punched him in the ribs. Gambit went flying backwards into the wall. Kelly looked at Rogue, then at Gambit. She shrugged and walked off.  
  
"Aha! I have hacked into Professor Xavier's e-mail!" Beast announced.  
  
Everyone gathered around at the computer.  
  
"You've got mail," the computer stated.  
  
Beast quickly scrolled through the Professor's e-mail. "Hmm...a chain letter from Magneto, some forwards from Moira Mactaggert...MY GOD!"  
  
"What is it Beast?!" Jubilee screamed.  
  
"If I send this magic frog to 200 people in the next 20 minutes my crush will like me!!!" Beast exclaimed. He turned slowly to look at Cyclops. "Oh Scotty...." he said slyly.  
  
Cyclops backed away slowly.  
  
"Moving on..." Lily said, exasperated. She grabbed the mouse from Beast and clicked on an e-mail entitled, "Please Read. Planning to Take Over World."  
  
  
  
Dear Professor Charles Xavier:  
  
I am a new mutant super villian bent on taking over the world. I have been informed that you are the person to contact with this information. I look forward to our fight over the fate of the world.  
From, Unknown Supervillian : )  
  
  
  
"Fascinating," Beast exclaimed. "I have seen other e-mails that end in that sideways smiley face! Why don't we have a sideways smiley face key?" He examined the keyboard in detail.  
  
Lily smacked her forehead in frustration. "I thought you were some kinda genius?!"  
  
"Nope, that's Eugene," replied Beast.  
  
"Well, I think we all know what we have to do. We must stop this evildoer! Or my name isn't Peter Parker!" Cyclops yelled.  
  
"It's not," Storm pointed out.  
  
"Yeah, well, we'll stop him anyway. To the Blackbird!"  
  
"Um...Scott? We're all in our 'jammies and it's 2 a.m." Jean whispered to Cyclops.  
  
"To the Blackbird...tomorrow!" Cyclops yelled.  
  
Everyone filed upstairs and went back to bed.  
  
  
Meanwhile, in an "abandoned" warehouse...  
  
"Where the hell are the X-Men?" a voice thundered.  
  
"I'm getting lonely..."  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

The next morning the X-Men (and Lily) awoke early. They quickly dressed then went down to the war room. It was Lily's first time seeing the X-Men in normal clothing-not spandex or pajamas, what a treat! Cyclops paced back and forth. He stopped suddenly. "Alright, here's the plan. Rogue, Gambit, and myself will attack whoever this person is first. If I die, Wolverine takes my place. If Gambit dies, Beast takes his place. If Rogue dies, Jubilee takes her place. Got it?"  
  
"What about me?" Jean asked.  
  
"You stay home with Eugene. Any more questions?"  
  
"Yeah, what do I do?" Lily asked.  
  
"You have a hot pizza ready for anyone who needs energy suddenly."  
  
"Wonderful..." Lily murmured.  
  
"Hey, where's Gambit?" Jubilee asked.  
  
Gambit strolled into the room with a brunette on his arm. "Everyone, dis be Cookie. Say hi to Cookie."  
  
"Hi Cookie," the X-Men echoed.  
  
"This isn't fair, why does Gambit get all the girls and everyone I ever date either ends up dying or wanting to brutally murder me?" Wolverine complained.  
  
"Gambit! Ah thought ya loved me!" Rogue whimpered.  
  
"Nope," Gambit responded.  
  
Rogue kicked Gambit in the nuts.  
  
"Ooooooooooh!" everyone said, wincing.  
  
Rogue gave Cookie a menacing look. Cookie took off.  
  
"Alright, suit up, then let's go!" Cyclops yelled.  
  
In a few moments they were in the Blackbird taking off. The X-Men had once again suited up in their spandex and were ready for battle. Lily sat with several hot pizzas piled up on her lap.  
  
Lily sighed. Gambit suddenly popped up behind her and sat next to her.  
  
"So, chere...do you like...stuff?" Gambit asked apprehensively.  
  
"Oh, stop flirting with me you stupid Cajun, I'm 15!" Lily shouted.  
  
Rogue looked over at them with an odd look in her eyes.  
  
"Plus, I think that southern chick is going to kick you again..." Lily muttered nervously.  
  
Gambit looked around nervously then got up and ran to the back of the jet.  
  
"So how do we know where this person is, anyway?" Lily asked suddenly.  
  
"We don't. We fly around until we see a suspicious looking building...hey that looks like one!" Beast said, pointing at a building lurking in the distance. The jet suddenly swooped down.  
  
"I see another!"   
  
"There's one, there's one!"  
  
"Go, Beast, go! Go, Beast, go!"  
  
An hour later and after many such violent swoops, Lily found herself trying to sneak into an old warehouse. Beast approached the building. A barbed-wire fence surrounded it. The team stood there staring at it for a while.  
  
"How are we going to get through?" Storm asked anxiously.  
  
"Uh...there's an open gate right here..." Lily suggested, pointing at the fence's gate, hanging open.  
  
"Nah, too easy. Wolverine and I will thoroughly demolish it, costing us precious time and energy," Cyclops responded.  
  
"Why the hell would you do that?" Lily asked, bewildered.  
  
Cyclops leaned forward towards Lily. "I've had enough of your tongue young lady! Now take these pizzas and get moving!"  
  
"Why you little...you can take those pizzas and shove them up your -"  
  
  
Meanwhile, at the X-Mansion...  
  
  
"Eugene, why do you think Scott never takes me along?" asked Jean sadly.  
  
Eugene the monkey shrugged and went back to concentrating on the game he and Jean were playing.  
  
"Oh well. I do like these Saturday nights we spend playing board games," Jean suddenly said, smiling. She moved a piece on the board. "Ah ha! Checkmate!"  
  
Eugene shook his head. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled, "We're playing Monopoly you idiot!"  
  
Jean looked down at the board. "Whoops, my bad..."  
  
  
Meanwhile, at the warehouse...  
  
  
The team had entered the dark, rickety warehouse. They were tiptoeing up a flight of stairs when they heard Cyclops and Wolverine join them, huffing and puffing.  
  
"Well...it...took...a...lot...of...time...but...we...managed...to...trash...the...whole...fence..." Wolverine managed to get out.  
  
Him and Cyclops did a very weak hive five.  
  
"Men!" sighed Rogue.  
  
They silently walked along for a while when suddenly they heard a voice in an upcoming room. They halted in their footsteps and lay flat against the wall.  
  
"...Mom! I'm an adult now! I'm taking over the world for God's sake, I think I can take care of myself! ...Yes, yes. Yes, I will make sure I dress warmly when I'm taking over the world...yes, all right Mom. Bye."  
  
The X-Men exchanged looks. Suddenly they heard footsteps coming out of the room. The X-Men got into fighting positions.  
  
"SNIKT!" Wolverine yelled.  
  
"Shut up!" Lily whispered fiercly.  
  
"Liiiily..." Storm said, rolling her eyes. "Wolvie HAS to say SNIKT. Don't you know ANYTHING?"  
  
A figure rounded the corner and stopped in the shadows. "Ahhhhhhh!" he yelped when he saw the X-Men.  
  
"Ahhhhhhh!" screamed the X-Men.  
  
"Oh...oh it's only you - ahem - WELCOME TO MY UNDERGROUND LAIR, X-MEN!" Boomed the voice. "And...pizza...girl..." He added, his face covered by the shadows.  
  
"This isn't underground..." Lily began, but the look Storm gave her shut her up.  
  
"Who are you?" demanded Cyclops.  
  
"I AM..." the figure stepped out of the shadows. "MR. SINISTER!"  
  
"No you're not," Beast said. The man standing in front of them wore a purple spandex suit and a cape.  
  
"Is that name already taken?! Fine, then I am...DR. EVIL!" boomed the man.  
  
"Taken."  
  
"Mr. Hyde???"  
  
"Taken."  
  
"Senor Corrupt?!?"  
  
"That's good."  
  
"THEN I AM...SENOR CORRUPT!" the man boomed. He shot Storm and Rogue, who had collapsed into giggles at his name, a dirty look.  
  
"And what might your power be?" asked Jubilee. Signor Corrupt narrowed his eyes and stared at her. Suddenly Jubilee looked around wildly, then looked down at herself, and screamed.  
  
"I HAVE THE POWER TO MANIPULATE YOUR MINDS...I CAN MAKE ANYONE WHO I CONCENTRATE ON BELIEVE THEY ARE STANDING THERE IN THEIR UNDERWEAR!" Corrupt exclaimed, laughing evilly. He stopped staring at Jubilee. She looked around again and sighed in relief.  
  
"What do you, want Corrupt?" demanded Cyclops.  
  
"I WILL TAKE OVER YOUR WORLD!!!" Senor Corrupt responded. "MOOSE! ROSCO! GET THEM!"  
  
Two huge, muscular, but very stupid-looking goons attacked them from behind. Cyclops tried firing on them, but they grabbed his visor off his face. He quickly closed his eyes. Rogue flew around pointlessly until Moose smashed her into a wall. Beast began jumping around but accidentally hit his head on a metal pipe.   
  
Gambit tried throwing a card at Senor Corrupt. In response Corrupt just stared at him. Gambit suddenly screamed and ran off, saying something about underwear in French. Wolverine popped out his claws and lunged at Senor Corrupt. Senor Corrupt stepped to the side. Wolverine went flying head first into the wall behind him. Storm's eyes turned white.  
  
"Winds! I command thee, stop these evildoers and..." before she could finish Rosco kicked her. She immediately fainted.  
  
Jubilee raised her hands. Colourful sparks of energy darted out towards Signor Corrupt. They hit his shoe, which immediately melted. Jubilee gasped and started jumping up and down.  
  
"I GOT ONE!" she shouted.  
  
Senor Corrupt shot her. Everyone applauded.  
  
Soon, all the X-Men were captured and placed in a large cell. Senor Corrupt paced in front of them.  
  
"So, X-Men...I have captured you...now you have no hope left to save your pathetic world!"  
  
"What's your plan, Corrupt?" Cyclops asked, narrowing his eyes.  
  
"Ha. As if he would tell you!" Lily pointed out. Senor Corrupt glared at her.  
  
"I can and will tell him my diabolical plan! For that is what villians do. ...I shall first screw up all the toilets so that they flush backwards. Then everyone will go insane over this puzzling new flush and I will be free to take over the world! Mwahahahaha!"  
  
"Wait! Jean will save us!" Cyclops yelled.  
  
"We're doomed," moaned Lily.  
  
Wolverine sidled next to Lily and pointed at the pizzas she was still holding. "Are you going to eat those?"  
  



	4. Chapter 4

In Senor Corrupt's "underground" lair...  
  
"Wolverine! Give me those pizzas you pig!" Lily yelled as Wolverine tried to wrestle the pizzas from her grasp.  
  
"Cyyyyyyyyyyyclops! Lily won't give me the piiiiiiiiiizzas!" he complained in a whiny voice.  
  
"There, there, " Cyclops said comfortingly, patting Wolverine on the back. The X-Men stared at him, eyebrows raised.  
  
"What? Haven't you ever seen a guy pat another guy comfortingly on the back before?"  
  
Signor Corrupt suddenly entered the room with his two goons, Moose and Rocco. He smiled when he saw the X-Men sitting dejected in his jail cells.  
  
"Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! ...Ha....ha ha ha ha ha ha...ha...ha ha ha ha ha...ha ha...ha.....ha............ha......" Senor Corrupt abruptly stopped laughing. "Oh come on people, it's funny! X-Men, in the cells, dejected, can't get out...no? Fine, ruin the fun!"  
  
The X-Men stared blankly at him.  
  
  
Elsewhere...  
  
  
Eugene the monkey was tending to the fainted Professor Xavier in the med bay. Jean was in the kitchen, busy trying to figure out how to work the toaster. Suddenly the Professor bolted upright, yelled, "The X-Men are in trouble!" and promptly fainted.  
  
Jean walked into the room to find Eugene running around yelping things in monkey. Jean started clapping in amusement. She suddenly stopped.  
  
"What's that Eugene?"  
  
"Ooo ooo ee!"  
  
"Trouble?! Where?!?"  
  
"Eee ee ah oo oo!"  
  
"Well I'LL just have to save them!" Jean yelled. "Quickly! To the Batmobile!"  
  
"Ee."  
  
"What did you say?! I am not a fainting, useless idiot that serves no purpose in the team except to look pretty and be a love interest for Cyclops!"  
  
"Ooo ah eee oo!"  
  
"Look who's talking! You're a monkey!"  
  
At that Eugene let out a war cry and sprang forward, knocking Jean over.  
  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
  
"Ha ha, X-Men! Now that I have placed you in an easily escapable situation, me and my accomplices are going to go gloat in the gloating room! Mwa ha ha!" Senor Corrupt boomed.  
  
The X-Men and Lily were tied loosely in easily breakable rope. They all sat in an open cage, and were being lowered painstakingly towards a vat of lava.  
  
"You have a gloating room?" Lily asked skeptically.  
  
"Doesn't everyone? Come Moose, come Rocco. To the gloating room, where we shall gloat!" Senor Corrupt exclaimed happily.  
  
Moose and Rocco stared forward.  
  
"I'll bring Pictionary..." Senor Corrupt said temptingly.  
  
Moose and Rocco snapped out of their stupor. They all skipped merrily to the gloating room.  
  
"They are gone! How do we get out of this?" Storm asked.  
  
All heads swiveled to look at Cyclops.  
  
"I want my teddy..." Cyclops whimpered.  
  
Lily groaned. "He's not going to help us. Don't you people have special powers and stuff? Someone do something, that lava's getting closer!"  
  
Wolverine sniffed lightly. "That ain't lava...IT'S PIZZA SAUCE!"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed everyone in horror.  
  
Suddenly a man wearing a suit and mask swung in. He landed atop the cage.  
  
"Spiderman!" everyone but Lily exclaimed joyfully.  
  
"Yo." Spiderman replied.  
  
"Save us!" Rogue screamed.  
  
"Sorry, I'm not even supposed to be here. That fat criminal mastermind guy's chasing me again, but I think I lost him at Dairy Queen. See ya!" Spiderman replied, swinging out a window.  
  
"Great! Now what?" Lily asked.  
  
"Ah know! Ah can absorb this cage's memories, thoughts, an powers!" Rogue exclaimed.  
  
"Rogue...I t'ink that only works wit people..." Gambit said gently.  
  
"Oh." Rogue said sadly.  



	5. Chapter 5

The X-Men all sat, dismayed, watching the boiling hot pizza sauce come closer and closer. Beast suddenly sidled up to a whimpering Cyclops.  
  
"Scott, seeing as we only have a few more minutes to live, I think I should let my true feelings be known..." Beast said softly.  
  
The rest of the team watched the scene unfold before them.  
  
"Yes...Hank?" Cyclops replied softly.  
  
"I've been in love with you since I joined the X-Men, and...well, I was too ashamed to let everyone know."  
  
"Awwwww," everyone chorused.  
  
Cyclops stared at Beast, his eyes shining.  
  
"This is better than a soap opera," Wolverine said, sniffling.  
  
"Has no one else noticed that we're in a life threatening situation, we're all going to die, and that A LARGE FURRY BLUE GUY JUST PROCLAIMED HIS LOVE FOR YOUR LEADER?!?" Lily shouted.  
  
"Yeah...isn't it touching?" Storm said, tears pouring down her face.  
  
BAMF! Suddenly Nightcrawler appeared, with Eugene on his shoulder.  
  
"We're saved!" everyone yelled happily.  
  
"Eugene's done it again!" Rogue shouted joyously.  
  
Nightcrawler looked hurt. "What about me?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, and Nightcrawler. Hurray," Rogue said unenthusiastically.  
  
BAMF! Before they knew it, they were all safely back at the mansion.  
  
"Like, you guys are all, like, back!" Jubilee yelled, running down the stairs to greet them.  
  
"I thought Senor Corrupt shot you?" Lily said suspiciously.  
  
"Yeah...I survived!" Jubilee said happily.  
  
"Damn," everyone muttered under their breath.  
  
"Oh, Scott! You're back!" Jean said, throwing herself into Cyclops' arms.  
  
"Hi Jean...there's...something I have to tell you..." Cyclops began, looking over at Beast. Beast sniffled, then nodded.  
  
"Look Jean, you know that I think you're swell-" Cyclops began.  
  
"Swell?!" Storm, Rogue, and Lily fell to the floor laughing at that.  
  
Cyclops glared at them. "-But this whole experience has lead me to see that...well...you're a fainting, useless idiot that serves no purpose in the team except to look pretty and be a love interest for me," Scott explained.  
  
Eugene snickered and gave Jean an I-told-you-so look.  
  
"So...I'm breaking up with you to be with my one true love...BEAST!" Cyclops exclaimed.  
  
"Oh, Scott!" Beast gushed.  
  
Jean fainted.  
  
Storm laughed.  
  
Rogue giggled.  
  
Lily raised her eyebrows.  
  
Eugene grinned.  
  
Wolverine walked over to Gambit. "Alright, alright. How much do I owe ya?"  
  
Gambit snickered. "I told you Beast and Cyke were gay."  
  
"Ah, well, I supposed I can hit on Jean all I like now, right?" Wolverine said positively as he handed Gambit 50 bucks.  
  
"Well guys, it's been a blast. I think I'm going to run home as fast as I possibly can and never visit this hellhole again. Tootles!" Lily said, running out the front door.  
  
"Bye Lily!" the X-Men called after her.  
  
"That is NOT my name!!!" she yelled back. 


	6. Epilogue

Epilogue:  
  
Cyclops and Beast remained a happy couple. They started their own successful business, Spandex 'R Us, and lived happily ever after.  
  
"Lily" (whose name will never be revealed...moohahahaha) ran ran ran and never looked back. However, she did make a brief appearance on Jerry Springer with Cyclops back in '96.  
  
Jean and Logan finally hooked up. Their relationship only lasted 2.3 minutes, however, since Jean couldn't do anything without fainting.  
  
Eugene went on to write a best-selling novel entitled "The Joy of Monkey".  
  
Nightcrawler got absolutely no credit for saving everyone's asses.  
  
Gambit and his endless parade of girls started a nightclub. It was thoroughly demolished by a flying jealous southern chick with a white streak in her hair.  
  
The Professor turned out to be even more of a wuss than Jean, which is quite an accomplishment.  
  
Storm became a weather girl on TV. If she forgot her lines she improvised quite nicely.  
  
Senor Corrupt sadly passed away in a baking accident.  
  
Moose and Rocco underwent major surgery and became showgirls on The Price is Right.  
  
Spiderman had absolutely no purpose in this story.  
  
  
THE END!  
  
  
  
***Well, that's it, that's all! This is my very first story on Fanfiction.net and it took me like 3 hours to figure out how to work this damn site.  
Anywho, reviews would be appreciated. You'll get a free gift if you do a review! Honest!  
  
Note: Free gifts are invisible.  
  
Thanks for reading my story!*** 


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